CAMP COBRA CAMPERS

[Aaron]

Hey Team Cobra,

Interesting meeting last night. It was actually my first time hooking up with Paddy and Derek, and it was my first Cobra meeting too. We were also joined by the lovely Emer who added a much needed female voice to the crew and offered some invaluable suggestions over the course of the meeting. So once all the introductions were over we got cracking....

And as soon as we got cracking, we cracked!

Not quite. We were all well familiar with each others scripts and bantered about bits we liked and bits we didn't. It was all generally agreed that based upon the character outline that was provided that everyone understood the characters and could tackle them well. The problem with all the scenes was (as Jay pointed out) that it was each person throwing their creativity at the same character outline (from the start of the story), rather than at a development (arc) of a character. In other words, everyone was writing about the Babs, Amy and Stacey at the start of the story, rather than how they may have changed over the course of. But that was understandable due to the brief that was set.


We set out re-establishing the 10 scenes of the movie in point format - I think this was what was needed? But as soon as we set ourselves this task the creative juices and the questions became ever more obvious. Questions like....

Who knows Amy is pregnant?

How pregnant is she?

Who finds out, and when?

When does Carl die? (ie. does he HAVE to die at the end? why not middle)


As all these questions flooded into our puny little minds we stumbled across a few main ideas. Perhaps the story is too tidy as it stands (and as a result too obvious?). Maybe we should avoid "obvious" hints to Amy's pregnancy and use almost metaphors to get this across (such as the planting and felling of a tree, death and birth, the re-birth etc etc). We also felt that all characters should be going through different stages of grief (denial, fear, anger, rage and acceptance) and this will draw and push them apart - they all know Carl is going to die, so this trip (in a fun way) is like his sending off. It was agreed that these weren't essential points right now, but to bear in mind for the next draft.


Anyway, to answer these questions. Amy is in the early stages (maybe 4 months?) and hasn't got a huge lump (we weren't keen on Brian's "she's just hugely obese so you wouldn't notice" idea, but hey, it's a possibility). Nobody knows.

Stacey begins to sus it out because of her experience with children (ie. she's popped them out before) but Babs had no idea. Here's where character roles begin to shift. Stacey suspects (through subtle hints in Amy's behaviour) and begins to look out for Amy (taking on the mother role that Babs once filled). In turn (and as a result of slight sibling jealousy) Babs begins to gradually separate from the two and starts enjoying the freedom it gives (which reverses her role).

Amy's plan is to disappear once the girls get to the city and she makes an apology tape to Carl at some stage - she intends to post this off to him before she legs it.

Anyway, I feel like this post is beginning to run away with itself - gotta reel it in here....

We tried to work back from scene 10 to 1, and ran into more questions than answers again. I'm not going to number these scenes as we agreed that it might be easier if we didn't for the moment to encourage the melting pot to bubble a bit.

Scene:
AMY'S CONFESSION
She tells Carl of pregnancy.
Stacey takes on surrogate father role.
Babs earns her freedom/independence.

Scene:
SEARCH & RESCUE
Amy disappears to run away.
Stacey twigs this and the sisters begin to search.
Phone call from hospital - Carl's screwed.
Babs wants to go back so Stacey reveals why they must bring her back.
They find her and convince her (or maybe Amy sees/does something that convinces her to return to them).


That's all she sang folks.


NOW -

We all agreed that for our next meeting we ALL should agree a date to meet up - it's important at this stage to have everyone meeting face to face to bash out ideas - Paddy has kindly offered his gaff as a venue and is going to cook us all some grub
to get the creative juices flowing. What times suit people in general? What nights are best?

In terms of working on the next draft I'm not sure what we should be doing? It was suggested that everyone try and write a 10 point plotline for the story (similar to the ones above) and see what interesting plots develop and how the character arcs intertwine.

It was suggested that a new thread be set up that streamlines all the current info - I'll take that on and get it up later today.

A.

[John Murphy]

Right here's what I think.

The bit we got done on nailing down the last two episodes was very good I thought. I like the idea of the holiday turning into a 'Search and Rescue' after they realise Amy has done a runner. And I think it would lead well into the final episode.

I also enjoyed the questions that were raised and that Aaron has pointed out above. They were my main issues when reading through the first drafts.

Anyway, I'm pretty much free any night of the week (Sunday night - Thursday night). I work a normal 9-5 day so any evening suits me. However on Wednesdays I'm not available until 8 or half 8.

I think it's imporatant that as many people as possible attend the meetings so we need to know when poeple are available to arrange the most suitable time.

[Brian]

I agree that important questions were asked and inroads were made into answering them. I also think that face to face is the best way to resolve any discussion on these questions as it allows for immediate reponses and solutions.

The only other thing I'd like to push for over the next week is a deadline for draft 2, which can't be set until we nail down a few answers. Other than that everything seems to be going well.

Have a nice weekend everyone!

[John Murphy]

Just put the submission deadline on the calender so we all know when it is.

9 working weeks away.

[Aaron]

Good stuff John. Just to re-itterate one of the points in the sprawling minutes (sorry for all that reading folks) - perhaps a way forward for the moment would be for everyone to brainstorm 10 potential scenes, bullet the main plot points and character changes, the post them up next week? From that we'll be able to mix and match ideas and give people concrete scenes to deal with for draft two? Does that sound okay to everyone?

A.

[John Murphy]

Yeah I agree with Aaron. There. Even if we are losing "losing" a week for writing the second draft at least we'll have a solid framework to work after the next meeting.

Also it's homework for me to do to keep me distracted from attempting to do a second draft of my short

[Jason Butler]

Cheers for the minutes Aaron!

Not sure what nights I'm available yet but dinner sounds good. Anyone know what Paddy's cooking is like?

[Aaron]

Hi y'all,

Got completely lost in some ideas (thanks Paddy!) for the campervan last night and just had to get them on paper and see what people thought. I was thinking about Paddy's suggestion at the meeting that Carl didn't have to die at the end, but could croak at any stage. Here's a bullet pointed plotline (ish). Just wanted to see what people thought. I've tried to work in as much of the existing scenes as possible (my own is pretty much scrapped and found it difficult to work in the prank scene too) so let me know what you think???

A.

_________________


LEAVING HOSPITAL.
Carl's instructions.
Girls leave.
Banter establishing characters.
Bab's lack of driving licence revealed.

CRASH
Babs totals the vehicle against a tree. All in shock.
Back to hospital with minor injuries.
Tampon on wound scene for Babs?
At hospital Carl sympathises and suggests they give up. Stacey agrees (quitting as usual) but Amy convinces all it will be fine for them to go back on road (she is secretly determined to get to city and escape).

NIGHTCLUB
Sitting quiet on their own.
Amy goes to toilet and pukes (doesn't drink at all though)
Stacey convinces Babs to get up and dance.
Gradually they get into it and have great fun.
Amy watches from afar.

JOHNNY VEGAS
He pisses against van. Stacey has no idea who he is when he drunkenly says "do you know who I am" she tells him NO. Something hilarious (to be written by Johnny Vegas(?!)- They could give him a lift somewhere and he brings them off course/influences their destination?).

HUNGOVER MORNING
Girls lazy - for fresh air they decide to do item on list - build a sandcastle.

BUILD A SANDCASTLE
Amy not in mood (Stacey suspicious because Babs said how Amy and Carl always used to go to beach together and watch the tide destroy their sandcastle together - out of character.
Plan to cut tree that night.

THEY CUT DOWN TREE
Farmer interrupts and they make quick getaway but leave camera behind. No crashing of tree on tractor though? Farmer picks up camera. They decide to hide in city for the night and come back tomorrow.

CITY
Amy disappears.
Stacey reveals her suspicions to Babs.
They have a fight. Babs wants to forget Amy and go straight to hospital.
Stacey says NO. Call comes through and interrupts the pregnancy revelation. Carl is dead.

TRAIN STATION COFFEESHOP
Amy waits for train.
Amy pauses at train times - deciding which way to go. Has a letter to post to Carl?

IN VAN SEARCHING FOR AMY
Sisters work together to figure out what train station she was going to. Babs idea to go there. Stacey drives like the clappers.

AMY ON TRAIN
In station Babs and Stacey use teamwork to find her.
Get to platform and she's walking towards them - she decided not to go and was trying to call them.
She gives them both a hug and says sorry for running away. The "we know" conversation and hugs.
They tell her Carl is dead.

HOSPITAL AGAIN
At hospital they find original list / DVD message.
Carl tells them how they should all stick together, and how he'd made a mistake on the list. Put in "fell a tree" but should have said "plant a tree" - "Amy will know where". (literally, the plant is the plant of the story!!!)
Now they have to go back to plant tree and recover camera.

ARR|VE AT WOODS
Farmer is waiting for them. He has already re-planted the tree. Amy upset - she was supposed to plant tree.
He invites them to his house - change of character - now Babs is adventurous and Stacey looks concerned for once! Amy calls out for her to come with them.

WATCHING OLD MANS TV
He watched their footage and realised what they were doing and understood.
The camera wasn't broken. His son filmed him planting the new tree - "for the chap in the hospital"
As they get back into the van Amy says they have one more place to go.

WALK FROM CAMPERVAN TO ROMANTIC SPOT (Amy's conception spot)
All girls happy and together.
Amy plants the tree they had planned to put in the forest.

VIDEO FOOTAGE IN HOSPITAL
3 girls with new baby boy.

[John Murphy]

Right I was mulling over this most of the weekend. I started out with the original idea of Carl dying at the end. Here it goes.

1. Carl in hospital. Girls say they ‘goodbyes’ and head off on the trip.

2. Babs reveals she can’t drive prompting Stacey to teach her. The tension between Stacey and Babs follows through to the lessons and ends up in Babs sinking it in a ditch. They get a replacement camper.

3. Filler scene with an event from 'the list'.

4. Johnny Vegas scene with the Murder Mystery

5. The prank, maybe. Tensions rise between Babs and Stacey

6. Felling and planting of a tree. Amy visibly upset by the whole thing Stacey tries to talk to her and succeeds which ends up in Amy blurting out to her that she’s pregnant.

7. Campfire. Girls talk about Carl. Babs and Stacey come to terms with the inevitable and begin to remember the ‘better’ times.

8. It seems Amy hasn’t come to terms with Carl’s plight. She makes video explaining things to Carl. Bolts for the nearest bus station. Babs and Stacey realise she’s gone.

9. Search and Rescue for Amy. While doing so Babs and Stacey resolve their differences when Babs finds out about the baby. They find Amy. Phone call about Carl

10. Girls arrive back at hospital. Resolution, death and new arrival


I then took on the new idea of Carl dying while they are away.


1. Carl in hospital. Girls say they ‘goodbyes’ and head off on the trip.

2. Babs reveals she can’t drive prompting Stacey to teach her. The tension between Stacey and Babs follows through to the lessons and ends up in Babs sinking it in a ditch. They get a replacement camper.

3. The girls do something 'manly' that Carl wanted to do.

4. Johnny Vegas scene with the Murder Mystery

5. The prank, maybe. Tensions rise between Babs and Stacey

6. Felling and planting of a tree. Amy visibly upset by the whole thing Stacey tries to talk to her and succeeds which ends up in Amy blurting out to her that she’s pregnant.

7. Campfire. Girls talk about Carl. Babs and Stacey come to terms with the inevitable and begin to remember the ‘better’ times.

8. It seems Amy hasn’t come to terms with Carl’s plight. She makes video explaining things to Carl. Bolts for the nearest bus station. Babs and Stacey realise she’s gone. Get the phone call about Carl’s passing.

9. Search and Rescue for Amy. They find her. Tell her to come back and Carl has died. They mourn Carl together. They head back to the hospital.

10. Carl has left them a DVD. His resolution and goodbye’s to the girls. He reveals he knew about the pregnancy. Baby born.

Now while I like the idea of him dying while they are away, I have to say I think it's a bit of a let-off for Amy. She nevers faces him about the pregnancy except on the DVD she made - but he never saw.

[John Murphy]

Aaron, just read your stuff there. Very good brainstorming there. I like the mistake in the tree felling/planting. Very nice.

[John Murphy]

I was also tinkering around with the five stages of grief for each of the girls.

For the record the five stages are:

1. Denial (this isn't happening to me!)
2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
3. Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)
4. Depression (I don't care anymore)
5. Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

What I came up with was that Stacey will come to accept the situation before the rest of them. Babs is later on and Amy only accepts it when her baby is born.

Then I realised I had completely forgotten about Carl. But I reckon he's already at the Acceptance stage when the girls leave.

[John Murphy]

Well Team. At the meeting last week, we came up with a few questions that need to be nailed down in order for the second draft to get rolling.

Who knows Amy is pregnant?

Well Amy knows she's pregnant And Carl should know too. He is her best friend and from the back-story they seem pretty close. (in my opinion anyway)

How pregnant is she?

When I was writing Amy I pictured her as a smallish girl. Now small girls seem to hide pregnancy better. So she's around 3 months gone. That's my take.

Who finds out, and when?

Stacey starts to believe that she Amy is pregnant from the way she is acting and certrain symptoms that Stacey may/may not have experienced herself (depending on whether she was ever pregnant). Babs finds out when Amy runs away. Stacey reveals it to her when Babs wanted to leave Amy behind and just go back to Carl (dead/alive).

When does Carl die? (i.e. does he HAVE to die at the end? why not middle)

Right this is probably the most important point to tie up. He is the anchor of the story in a way. It was his plan to go on holiday, regardless of who is making it happen.

The original idea was that he died at the end when the he takes a turn for the worse. The girls race back and are with him at the end. Plus Amy gets to resolve the pregnancy plot with him by revealing that he is the father.

At the last meeting the question of "why does he HAVE to die at the end?" was thrown about. I think it's an interesting one and one that needs to be decided on fairly soon. He could die anywhere during the course of the story while the girls are still away. They then get a phone call to reveal this to them. It's a gut wrenching way of 'killing him off' while the people closest are away but perhaps the story is a bit too tidy and needs it.

My take on both scenarios is:

Carl dying at the end

For me Amy is a more important character than the rest. And so I thought it would be better that she gets the chance to resolve the pregnancy plotline. It's part of her development as a character.

On the other hand the story seems a bit too tidy with everything falling into place.

Carl dying anytime

This way the tension in the story has been increased for the characters and the audience.

On the flipside of this, Amy gets away without confronting Carl about the pregnancy. For me anyway this is an important part of her development arc, especially since she ran away from the whole thing.

While thinking about Amy’s development I thought maybe we could have Carl dying off early and him leaving a DVD for the girls like Aaron suggested above. But the contents of this DVD also include his confession to Amy that he knows he is the father. I mean I don’t think the character is that dumb that he had sexual relations with his best friend and then when she’s pregnant he doesn’t cop anything.

Anyway that’s my take on it. What do ye guys think?

[Aaron]

Keeping the ball rolling John - good man.

I'm going to go comment free for a while to encourage others to have their say. Feel like I've been hogging ideas or something. What do peeps think?



A.

[John Murphy]

Well man you have a really good take on the story above and I think it’s on the right track. I worked through your "structure" last night while also having a think about the five stages of grief and how they fit into the story.

I came to the conclusion that they don’t fit in. What I mean is; they all know what the story is with Carl. He has a terminal diesease and will die in the near future. Hence, the whole idea of “the last big bash holiday”.

Carl was diagnosed with the inoperable tumour about 2 years before our story begins. He’s gradually got worse. So he’s had two years to go through his grief and if he is just after planning a “the last blow-out holiday” then I would assume he’s over his grief and at the acceptance stage. He’s accepted what’s happening to him and wants to enjoy the time he has left.

So that’s Carl sorted out.

Now, to the sisters. Before we had the whole idea of five stages of grief we knew Babs was the worrying mother-type figure and Stacey was the care-free one. They are Carl’s only immediate family (that are born ) so they would also have known of his plight since the start.

So my take is that Stacey, the older and more “mature” (regardless of her running away from problems) has already accepted there is nothing they can do for Carl. Babs, the mother figure, has looked after Carl for so long that she would take longer to reach acceptance. She is fairly downbeat about the whole thing but wants to carry out Carl’s last wishes. For me that puts her in limbo between the depression and acceptance stage. She finally accepts everything when she learns of Carl’s death coupled with the fact that he has an offspring.

Now, to Amy. Well Amy can’t tell Carl the truth about the baby and she has decided to run away. So I think she’s not at any stage. She was reaching acceptance until she got pregnant and that’s thrown a spanner in the works. She utterly confused and on top of that, hormonal. Hence, her flippant idea to run away and then to turn back at the last minute.

In my opinion this is the structure we should take into the second draft as regards the characters.

Does anyone get what I mean by all that? (I kinda lost myself there for a few minutes )

[Aaron]

I gotcha John,

One thing though - I think Carl should be diagnosed with terminal cancer a week or two after himself and Amy shag - that would be perfectly reasonable and take away that "oh dear, she shagged the guy in sypathy" that was highlighted in 2nd meeting (it's in a thread somewhere!). I agree with just about everything else you've said there.

Also - maybe Carl DOES know and reveals that in his farewell DVD. That changes what his IDEA is in the first place. His ulterior motive is to bring the 3 of the girls together to look after and support his young'un. I like it. Where are the rest of our camp campers?

A.

[Jason Butler]

I'm reading all the stuff and will jot down my thoughts and structure when I get the chance... probably tomorrow.

[John Murphy]

I think if he is to die in the middle then I'd like to think he knew about the child. And so reveals all on his farewell DVD. I'm liking it. On the outset the plan looks like the holiday but underneath the real plan is to bring Stacey home and reunite her with Babs and also to improve the frosty relations between Amy and Babs.

On the diagnosis of the cancer thing and him sleeping with Amy. On one hand it might seem like a "sympathy shag" but then again they have been friends a very long time. Coupled with the fact that she does have feelings for him. I think if this is shown properly the "sympathy shag" hurdle will be overcome.

It's an interesting one actually. I don't know. If he was to have been diagnosed two-three months ago, then he has a very strong character to get over his anger and frustration of his impending doom and orgainse a last bash holiday. Then again he might be a strong character.

Now I'm getting lost.

Any more Cobra peeps out there? We need to start reeling this fish in.

[Brian]

I'm liking the whole Carl dying midway thing, and actually, as I read Aaron's first bullet-point of the story I thought it interesting that there was still half the story to go after Carl dies, which is kinda like them finding the courage to go on.

As for the stages of Grief. I think Amy should be at acceptance (or should think she is) until the holiday starts, then she begins to think of her fatherless child and that drives (excuse to the campervan pun) her to run away.

She doesn't shag Carl out of sympathy, but because she has always had a thing for him (and this is her last chance).

I believe, and have always believed, that Carl should have taken this shag in the truest way a man does: get it where you can - or as the aussies say: A root's a root!

I don't think he is some angel, "holier than thou" and "the world will never have such a man as him again" type guy. He is a man through and through, he fights with his sisters, he drinks like an irishman (too much too often), but yes, he does have a sensitive side and through the whole illness what has pained him most is seeing his family and friends suffer the upset of the illness he has. He feels guilty for ruining their lives and I think he is thoroughly at the stage of acceptance in a sense that the sooner he dies the sooner their lives will get back to normal. Which he then does do. Carl's dead and we've still got half the story to tell.

I like Carl only because I reckon he'll happily make fart jokes with nurses moments before he dies. In fact, his last words can be: Tell them I love them all, and here is something to remind them of me (PARP)!!

[John Murphy]

It seems we are all going in the same direction at the moment which is a good sign. Any sign of the other Cobra's around the place?

[paddydean]

THE MENU:
Anyone of the associates got any bad food things like can't eat peanuts or vegetarians.? All will be accomodated.
Here's the offer.
Wednesday next evening one week from now my place as many as is humanly possible with a weeks notice gather to eat share ideas have a laugh and truly lift this piece onto the page as one so the actors have no issues living it.
As availabilty is always difficult the other option is this we meet aforementioned either wednesday, tuesday or monday. betwen ten people we should be able to fit one of the nights??? For the sake of the project.
On that.
As an actor a few years ago I had a small walk on shoot someone part in a play directed by an excellent director, it was a modernisation of a jacobean tragedy hence the guns.
Anyway my part was so small I got called in for the dress rehearsal preview night in 9hours.
During that nine hours the director gave his pre-talk before the show and this is what he said:
"We have rehearsed the shit out of this and we have found an indestructible structure, its a big frame and it's made of rubber and we can bounce the **** out of it and enjoy it and that's our job now for those people coming in, go out there and bounce the **** out of it and have fun"
The brainstorming by all the above is the fuel, lets do this.
RSVP
Paddy