2nd Draft

Jason Butler · 25 October 2006, 00:54

Cheers Paddy for hosting the meeting and making dinner!
Quickly here's the result of the last few hours work.

Think John is going to write it up and I'll add something more to explain it all too.

John Murphy · 25 October 2006, 10:57

Right first off; the meeting was attended by myself, Aaron, Derek, Jason and of course our great host - Paddy.

We started off with a chat about where the project was and what the next steps forward were. It was agreed that we start with a beginning and an end and that we 'knew' the characters well enough to write them, as regards their history, personalities, reactions to situations/events etc.

So we had our beginning and end - and after an hour or so of creative and constructive brainstorming we came up with ideas (18 I think it was) that would fill in the story in between.

Then came the whiteboard stage. With the beginning and end in place and the ideas we had agreed on, we started filling in episodes 2-9. Alot of debate followed as to how the story would flow in certain place, how the arc developed throughout the story and how our character arc for each character changed during the episodes.

As a result we came up with what you see in the picture above (courtesy of our on-sight photographer Jay took).

I think it's fairly self explanatory really. The main idea for each episode is the first point. We put all of these in place first and then followed it up by inserting any of the idea overflow into relevant episodes. This overflow or subplots are just as important as the main plot of each episode but were deemed not big enough to concentrate an episode around that.

Now down to the summary of each episode:

1. Leaving Hospital
The girls leave Carl in the hospital in the campervan and set out on their/Carl's trip.

2. Girl's enjoying themselves
- Carl's List
This episode shows the girls enjoying themselves on their holiday despite differences between them. The fact that they are doing things that Carl wanted to do should also be kept in mind here, hence the reference of Carl's list. Paintballing, Go-Karting and other
things that Carl might like to have done. The idea was thrown out that initially the girl's
are not looking forward to the paintballing or whatever but in the end come to enjoy
themselves.

3. Babs & Stacey fight
- Amy hiding the pregnancy
- Audience finds out about the pregnancy
The fist real conflict occurs here when Babs and Stacey fight. Again the reason for the fight is up to the writer but that is the general idea behind the episode. We also felt that while these two characters were bickering/arguing we had an opportunity to reveal the pregnancy to the audience - whether that be Amy on her own in a room trying to cover it up so the girl's don't notice or whatever.

4. Girls have s**t time (not enjoying themselves)
- Reflection of Carl
- Carl getting sick
Following on from the sister's fighting we see the girls not enjoying themselves and have a bitch of a time. We had an letting the audience know that Carl is receiving the DVD's from the girls and it was agreed that it would be a good idea if we encapsulated the events of this episode on DVD. So 90% of the episode is of Carl in his hospital bed watching the events that the girl's were through and the fact that they were having a s**t time of it.
At the end of this episode, the girl's are pretty downbeat and very quiet and don't know whether to continue or not, but then one of them mentions Carl out of the blue (in relevance to what they were just through) and what he would have done. Something like "Remember when Carl . . ." This reignites the girl's mood again.
Also while Carl is finishing up watching the DVD, he takes a turn and starts vomiting (induced from laughter at the girl's situation or whatever)

5. Game Show
This was the problematic episode, the idea for which was generated about 10 minutes before we left. Of the 18 ideas we came up with we ended up with nothing fitting in episode 5. Which brought us back the Johnny Vegas episode and maybe using that in there which led to us not liking the idea of pinpointing a certain celebrity cameo which eventually led to a conversation about Countdown.
Anyway, the story with episode 5 now is that Carl had always wanted to enter a game show. So the girls do it for him. Because we don't want to pinpoint any particular cameo we agreed that the game show is LIKE Countdown with a host LIKE Des Lynam.
It goes along with the spec for the script where it says "possibility of celebrity cameo", so we're leaving it wide open.

6. Carl's Episode
Because alot of the story is shown through the girls we thought we should return to the anchor of the story at some stage. This is an episode about Carl in the hospital which is an opportunity for us to reveal some of his character. It's important in that it "could" be the last time we see Carl.

7. Pregnancy revealed to Stacey
- Love Interest (Babs)
Now how the pregnancy is revealed to Stacey is open to the writer. But in this episode Stacey finds out about the pregnancy whether through intuition or she's Amy acting strangely or whatever. Now this could be set anywhere and we thought that because these two characters are changing - Stacey showing responsability for Amy - Amy opening up - it was an opportunity for Babs to change, hence the love interest or the fling. So it could be set in a night club and the two girl's are talking while Babs gets in on (with Slicko McSlicko

) or similarly it could be set in a motel room while Babs is next door. Up to the creativity of the writer really.

8. Amy does a runner
- Bad News about Carl
Amy finally carries out her plan of running away from the whole thing - Carl dying, revealing to him that he is the father etc. This coincides with the sister's getting the phone call from the hospital with the bad news that Carl is on his way out.

9. Girl's Reunion
- Babs & Stacey make up
- Final Journey
The girl's find Amy and convince her to return and tell Carl the truth before he dies. Or we can have them finding Amy who has already made the decision to tell Carl and hence didn't get on the train/bus/aeroplane etc.
Stacey and Babs make up their differences as well which can coincide with Babs finding out with the pregnancy or on the Final Journey etc.

10. Reunion with Carl ! ? !
The final episode is the girl's arriving back from the holiday and being reunited with Carl. Whether they make it back or not for his death is up to the writer I think.

Anyway that's how it went folks. As you can see it was pretty comprehensive. If any other attendees think I missed out on anything, please fill it in.

We also have to decide on who our final writers are now so we can get cracking on it.

Brian · 25 October 2006, 12:00

Good work lads. Well done Paddy on the food (I hope you haven't forgotten the doggybag

).Nice photo Jay, a white board makes everything better.

Now that we have draft 2 written in point form do we get on with writing it? Do we keep the same epsiode numbers as before or do we pick different ones this time? I'm happy sticking with ep 3, but wouldn't be afraid to change either.

Shall we set a deadline for draft 2 and let some writers take double helpings of responsibility to write the as yet unassigned epsiodes? And what do we do about absentee writers?

John Murphy · 25 October 2006, 12:21

Yeah I'm itching to get writing here after the progress last night.

Our definate writers are myself, Brian, Jason, Paddy, Derek, Aaron and Bren. We need to know is The68Gun still with us on it. We can't afford to wait around. Deadline for submission is 7 weeks away.

I say we each take 1 episode now and put a deadline on it for say Monday next week. By then, if noone else has replied we divide up the last 4 episodes or we double up and work together on them.

As regards picking episodes, I don't mind taking the same one again.

Jason Butler · 25 October 2006, 15:51

Excellent work on the minutes John.

As was discussed last night we should compile a list of events and settings from the previous threads/posts and 1st drafts.
And then say you call episode 3 and niteclub/campervan crash or episode 4 and beach...

So we don't end up with 5 nite club or camper van crashing scenes and people choose the best way and location to get across their part of the story.

If someone doesn't get to it before me I'll compile this list later.
One other thing we talked about was the idea that the camper van disappears early on - say it breaks down or crashes or Stacey's had enough of the uncomfortableness of it. But on the race back to Carl at the end they're back in the van - maybe Stacey's got it fixed in the meantime (she sweet talked the AA...)

Deadline-wise we're now well ahead of time. Submission date is 15th Dec. So maybe give ourselves a few more days to get each of our episodes (or 2) in shape. Hopefully by the end of this stage we'll have a pretty decent proper draft tha we can read from start to finish...

John Murphy · 25 October 2006, 17:15

Okay I've compiled a few events and locations that can be used to write certain episodes around. Plus we discussed how some episodes could work in certain loactions or around certain events. I've linked some of them up here but this ain't gospel - just a guideline to give people an idea what we're talking about.

Events/Locations:

Crashing the Campervan - Episode 3

Campfire - when they reflect on Carl after they have a sh**y day (shown by Carl watching DVD)

Building a Sandcastle/Beach

Felling/Planting a Tree/Amy and Carl's spot in the forest

Paintballing - Episode 2

Go-Karting - Episode 2

Nightclub - Episode 7

Hotel room - Episode 7

Train Station or Bus Station - Part of Episode 8 & 9

I'm not sure I have them all but it's a start.

John Murphy · 27 October 2006, 09:29

Right team, I'm thinking I'll get cracking on this over the weekend if I get the time.

I think we have seven confirmed writers if Bren is back on board.

So three people wil have to double up. I'll offer my services as a 'doubler-upper', if there are no objections. I'll was thinking of sticking with episode 10 and also doing 9. Or would it be a better idea to take episode 10 and then a random one from the middle of the piece to mix it up a bit??

Aaron · 27 October 2006, 13:43

Hey Campers.

I'm going to have a crack at an episode over the weekend too (and a second one too? - might be a good idea for everyone to do a backup episode and we can mix and match from these to make up the additional episodes?).

Jonno - good work on the notes over the past few days. It's your call on the whole 9 + 10 issue. Based upon the "idea" of 10 peeps combining episodes though I'd suggest taking a random one just to keep things mixed up?

If people want to start selecting episodes they'd like to tackle work away at it. I'm going to hold off until 5pm to see which ones are taken and try fill in the gaps.

A.

Aaron · 27 October 2006, 16:44

Okay peeps - I'm going to plough into this...

Reckon I'd like to have a go a Scene 8 (Amy does a runner) as my main episode and toodle around with a draft of episode 4 too (Girls having crap time).

Any objections?

Lets make a list....

Scene 4
girls aving s**t time
Aaron, ????? (2 people could try same scenario and combine ideas)

Scene 8
Amy does a runner
Aaron

John Murphy · 27 October 2006, 16:49

Yeah Aaron that's a good idea. I might have a lash at scene 4 as well so.

Scene 4
Girls having a s**t time
Aaron, Jonno

Scene 10
Reunion with Carl!?!
Jonno

derek holland · 27 October 2006, 17:05

1st off I must thank Paddy for the amazing work, and everything else he put into that lamb the other night - tremendous dinner!!

to strike a couple more off the list, I'd like to take a bash at 2 and 5. As 5 is so open to interpretation, I'll try and make 2 my main one.

Scene 2
Girl's enjoying themselves
Derek,

Scene 4
Girls having a s**t time
Aaron, Jonno

Scene 5
Gameshow
Derek,

Scene 10
Reunion with Carl!?!
Jonno

Jason Butler · 27 October 2006, 17:45

I'll rewrite number 1 and take another. Not sure which yet.

Could people provide a bit more info on what they're doing with their episode. For example if I was to do 7 I might set it in a niteclub or on the beach but would want to avoid someone setting theirs in the same location etc...

paddydean · 27 October 2006, 21:19

I want to di the Carl episode and have a good crack at it.
Will post as soon as something comes out!
Have agood weekend everyone

Aaron · 31 October 2006, 10:14

Hey y'all,

Hope everyone had a nice long weekend. Hibernated with scripts and new imac for 3 days solid. No fresh air. No excercise. Lots of tea.

Hope it was worth it!

A.

Jason Butler · 31 October 2006, 10:44

Good work Aaron. Both scripts really hit their marks.

Okay so the bar has been set. I'm trying to decide between episode 3 or 9. Think I'll do 9 as it sounds like fun!

paddydean · 31 October 2006, 10:53

Well done Aaron for getting the new sleeker ball rolling.
I'm loving both episodes that are up there especially the sensitivity in four towards the end.
The fact that Amy remembers the sandcastle automatically seems to make her much more significant to everyone involved, I had her pegged as a more recent addition to Carls Life (or whats left of it!) but I love the fact that she now goes that far back.
I had a look up the forum at selections and I've been taking notes here and there and would like to post a five (like yourself derek) and 6 as suggested.
Your four ending is uncannily like my five (in notes) beginning.
Freaky!!
Hope to have them both up by end of day or midday tomo.

John Murphy · 31 October 2006, 11:13

I ended up being tied up for most of the weekend and only got down to it last night. I did outlines for both my episodes but I am now ditching episode 4 if that's alright. It's identical to Aaron's (great minds and all that). I had them on a beach and they get caught in a downpour. And while they sneeze and snuffle in the back of the van they remember a time when Carl was caught in a storm as a kid.

Don't think there is any point in me writing it now. Aaron has it nailed. I might double up on another episode instead. What do ye think?

John Murphy · 31 October 2006, 11:18

So far we have:

Episode 1
Jason

Episode 2
Derek

Episode 3
Brian ?????

Episode 4
Aaron

Episode 5
Derek, Paddy

Episode 6
Paddy

Episode 7
John

Episode 8
Aaron

Episode 9
Jason

Episode 10
John

We're still waiting on Brian and Bren to pick an episode and there is three left. I might have a lash at 7 as well if there are no objections.

paddydean · 31 October 2006, 11:20

I think Jay mentioned he was on epsode one?

Aaron · 31 October 2006, 11:57

Hey folks,

Cheers for the feedback. Not sure if both scripts "hit their mark" or if they indeed "set the bar" Jay. I'm not overjoyed with either of them (could be tighter, dialogue feels weak at times) but I thought I'd lash them up for comments anyway. If people have suggestions for improvements or possible changes post away.

Jonno - no reason why you shouldn't have a look at episode 4 if you reckon I've missed something? Maybe you had some slicker dialogue in mind that might fit better? I'm not convinced I "nailed" anything here.

A.

25 October 2006, 00:54	#1
Jason Butler Administrator Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 3,432	2nd Draft Cheers Paddy for hosting the meeting and making dinner! Quickly here's the result of the last few hours work. Think John is going to write it up and I'll add something more to explain it all too. __________________ Watch BUTCHERS on RTÉ Storyland www.tuftybear.com for trailer and other info my short film TUFTY My FilmmakersNetwork.ie profile

25 October 2006, 10:57	#2
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	Right first off; the meeting was attended by myself, Aaron, Derek, Jason and of course our great host - Paddy. We started off with a chat about where the project was and what the next steps forward were. It was agreed that we start with a beginning and an end and that we 'knew' the characters well enough to write them, as regards their history, personalities, reactions to situations/events etc. So we had our beginning and end - and after an hour or so of creative and constructive brainstorming we came up with ideas (18 I think it was) that would fill in the story in between. Then came the whiteboard stage. With the beginning and end in place and the ideas we had agreed on, we started filling in episodes 2-9. Alot of debate followed as to how the story would flow in certain place, how the arc developed throughout the story and how our character arc for each character changed during the episodes. As a result we came up with what you see in the picture above (courtesy of our on-sight photographer Jay took). I think it's fairly self explanatory really. The main idea for each episode is the first point. We put all of these in place first and then followed it up by inserting any of the idea overflow into relevant episodes. This overflow or subplots are just as important as the main plot of each episode but were deemed not big enough to concentrate an episode around that. Now down to the summary of each episode: 1. Leaving Hospital The girls leave Carl in the hospital in the campervan and set out on their/Carl's trip. 2. Girl's enjoying themselves - Carl's List This episode shows the girls enjoying themselves on their holiday despite differences between them. The fact that they are doing things that Carl wanted to do should also be kept in mind here, hence the reference of Carl's list. Paintballing, Go-Karting and other things that Carl might like to have done. The idea was thrown out that initially the girl's are not looking forward to the paintballing or whatever but in the end come to enjoy themselves. 3. Babs & Stacey fight - Amy hiding the pregnancy - Audience finds out about the pregnancy The fist real conflict occurs here when Babs and Stacey fight. Again the reason for the fight is up to the writer but that is the general idea behind the episode. We also felt that while these two characters were bickering/arguing we had an opportunity to reveal the pregnancy to the audience - whether that be Amy on her own in a room trying to cover it up so the girl's don't notice or whatever. 4. Girls have st time (not enjoying themselves)** - Reflection of Carl - Carl getting sick Following on from the sister's fighting we see the girls not enjoying themselves and have a bitch of a time. We had an letting the audience know that Carl is receiving the DVD's from the girls and it was agreed that it would be a good idea if we encapsulated the events of this episode on DVD. So 90% of the episode is of Carl in his hospital bed watching the events that the girl's were through and the fact that they were having a st time of it. At the end of this episode, the girl's are pretty downbeat and very quiet and don't know whether to continue or not, but then one of them mentions Carl out of the blue (in relevance to what they were just through) and what he would have done. Something like "Remember when Carl . . ." This reignites the girl's mood again. Also while Carl is finishing up watching the DVD, he takes a turn and starts vomiting (induced from laughter at the girl's situation or whatever) 5. Game Show This was the problematic episode, the idea for which was generated about 10 minutes before we left. Of the 18 ideas we came up with we ended up with nothing fitting in episode 5. Which brought us back the Johnny Vegas episode and maybe using that in there which led to us not liking the idea of pinpointing a certain celebrity cameo which eventually led to a conversation about Countdown. Anyway, the story with episode 5 now is that Carl had always wanted to enter a game show. So the girls do it for him. Because we don't want to pinpoint any particular cameo we agreed that the game show is LIKE Countdown with a host LIKE Des Lynam. It goes along with the spec for the script where it says "possibility of celebrity cameo", so we're leaving it wide open. 6. Carl's Episode Because alot of the story is shown through the girls we thought we should return to the anchor of the story at some stage. This is an episode about Carl in the hospital which is an opportunity for us to reveal some of his character. It's important in that it "could" be the last time we see Carl. 7. Pregnancy revealed to Stacey** - Love Interest (Babs) Now how the pregnancy is revealed to Stacey is open to the writer. But in this episode Stacey finds out about the pregnancy whether through intuition or she's Amy acting strangely or whatever. Now this could be set anywhere and we thought that because these two characters are changing - Stacey showing responsability for Amy - Amy opening up - it was an opportunity for Babs to change, hence the love interest or the fling. So it could be set in a night club and the two girl's are talking while Babs gets in on (with Slicko McSlicko ) or similarly it could be set in a motel room while Babs is next door. Up to the creativity of the writer really. 8. Amy does a runner - Bad News about Carl Amy finally carries out her plan of running away from the whole thing - Carl dying, revealing to him that he is the father etc. This coincides with the sister's getting the phone call from the hospital with the bad news that Carl is on his way out. 9. Girl's Reunion - Babs & Stacey make up - Final Journey The girl's find Amy and convince her to return and tell Carl the truth before he dies. Or we can have them finding Amy who has already made the decision to tell Carl and hence didn't get on the train/bus/aeroplane etc. Stacey and Babs make up their differences as well which can coincide with Babs finding out with the pregnancy or on the Final Journey etc. 10. Reunion with Carl ! ? ! The final episode is the girl's arriving back from the holiday and being reunited with Carl. Whether they make it back or not for his death is up to the writer I think. Anyway that's how it went folks. As you can see it was pretty comprehensive. If any other attendees think I missed out on anything, please fill it in. We also have to decide on who our final writers are now so we can get cracking on it. __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile Last edited by John Murphy : 25 October 2006 at 11:19.

25 October 2006, 12:00	#3
Brian Producer Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 749	What are we going to do today Pinky? Good work lads. Well done Paddy on the food (I hope you haven't forgotten the doggybag ).Nice photo Jay, a white board makes everything better. Now that we have draft 2 written in point form do we get on with writing it? Do we keep the same epsiode numbers as before or do we pick different ones this time? I'm happy sticking with ep 3, but wouldn't be afraid to change either. Shall we set a deadline for draft 2 and let some writers take double helpings of responsibility to write the as yet unassigned epsiodes? And what do we do about absentee writers? __________________ I'm Brian and so is my wife. www.bluehairproductions.eu

25 October 2006, 12:21	#4
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	Yeah I'm itching to get writing here after the progress last night. Our definate writers are myself, Brian, Jason, Paddy, Derek, Aaron and Bren. We need to know is The68Gun still with us on it. We can't afford to wait around. Deadline for submission is 7 weeks away. I say we each take 1 episode now and put a deadline on it for say Monday next week. By then, if noone else has replied we divide up the last 4 episodes or we double up and work together on them. As regards picking episodes, I don't mind taking the same one again. __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile Last edited by John Murphy : 25 October 2006 at 12:50. Reason: Seven writers again

25 October 2006, 15:51	#5
Jason Butler Administrator Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 3,432	Excellent work on the minutes John. As was discussed last night we should compile a list of events and settings from the previous threads/posts and 1st drafts. And then say you call episode 3 and niteclub/campervan crash or episode 4 and beach... So we don't end up with 5 nite club or camper van crashing scenes and people choose the best way and location to get across their part of the story. If someone doesn't get to it before me I'll compile this list later. One other thing we talked about was the idea that the camper van disappears early on - say it breaks down or crashes or Stacey's had enough of the uncomfortableness of it. But on the race back to Carl at the end they're back in the van - maybe Stacey's got it fixed in the meantime (she sweet talked the AA...) Deadline-wise we're now well ahead of time. Submission date is 15th Dec. So maybe give ourselves a few more days to get each of our episodes (or 2) in shape. Hopefully by the end of this stage we'll have a pretty decent proper draft tha we can read from start to finish... __________________ Watch BUTCHERS on RTÉ Storyland www.tuftybear.com for trailer and other info my short film TUFTY My FilmmakersNetwork.ie profile

25 October 2006, 17:15	#6
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	Okay I've compiled a few events and locations that can be used to write certain episodes around. Plus we discussed how some episodes could work in certain loactions or around certain events. I've linked some of them up here but this ain't gospel - just a guideline to give people an idea what we're talking about. Events/Locations: Crashing the Campervan - Episode 3 Campfire - when they reflect on Carl after they have a sh**y day (shown by Carl watching DVD) Building a Sandcastle/Beach Felling/Planting a Tree/Amy and Carl's spot in the forest Paintballing - Episode 2 Go-Karting - Episode 2 Nightclub - Episode 7 Hotel room - Episode 7 Train Station or Bus Station - Part of Episode 8 & 9 I'm not sure I have them all but it's a start. __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile

27 October 2006, 09:29	#7
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	Right team, I'm thinking I'll get cracking on this over the weekend if I get the time. I think we have seven confirmed writers if Bren is back on board. So three people wil have to double up. I'll offer my services as a 'doubler-upper', if there are no objections. I'll was thinking of sticking with episode 10 and also doing 9. Or would it be a better idea to take episode 10 and then a random one from the middle of the piece to mix it up a bit?? __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile

27 October 2006, 13:43	#8
Aaron Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 678	Hey Campers. I'm going to have a crack at an episode over the weekend too (and a second one too? - might be a good idea for everyone to do a backup episode and we can mix and match from these to make up the additional episodes?). Jonno - good work on the notes over the past few days. It's your call on the whole 9 + 10 issue. Based upon the "idea" of 10 peeps combining episodes though I'd suggest taking a random one just to keep things mixed up? If people want to start selecting episodes they'd like to tackle work away at it. I'm going to hold off until 5pm to see which ones are taken and try fill in the gaps. A.

27 October 2006, 16:44	#9
Aaron Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 678	Okay peeps - I'm going to plough into this... Reckon I'd like to have a go a Scene 8 (Amy does a runner) as my main episode and toodle around with a draft of episode 4 too (Girls having crap time). Any objections? Lets make a list.... Scene 4 girls aving s**t time Aaron, ????? (2 people could try same scenario and combine ideas) Scene 8 Amy does a runner Aaron

27 October 2006, 16:49	#10
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	Yeah Aaron that's a good idea. I might have a lash at scene 4 as well so. Scene 4 Girls having a st time Aaron, Jonno Scene 10 Reunion with Carl!?!** Jonno __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile

27 October 2006, 17:05	#11
derek holland Editor Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 141	1st off I must thank Paddy for the amazing work, and everything else he put into that lamb the other night - tremendous dinner!! to strike a couple more off the list, I'd like to take a bash at 2 and 5. As 5 is so open to interpretation, I'll try and make 2 my main one. Scene 2 Girl's enjoying themselves Derek, Scene 4 Girls having a s**t time Aaron, Jonno Scene 5 Gameshow Derek, Scene 10 Reunion with Carl!?! Jonno

27 October 2006, 17:45	#12
Jason Butler Administrator Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 3,432	I'll rewrite number 1 and take another. Not sure which yet. Could people provide a bit more info on what they're doing with their episode. For example if I was to do 7 I might set it in a niteclub or on the beach but would want to avoid someone setting theirs in the same location etc... __________________ Watch BUTCHERS on RTÉ Storyland www.tuftybear.com for trailer and other info my short film TUFTY My FilmmakersNetwork.ie profile

27 October 2006, 21:19	#13
paddydean Actor/Writer/Clown Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 114	CARL I want to di the Carl episode and have a good crack at it. Will post as soon as something comes out! Have agood weekend everyone

31 October 2006, 10:44	#15
Jason Butler Administrator Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 3,432	Good work Aaron. Both scripts really hit their marks. Okay so the bar has been set. I'm trying to decide between episode 3 or 9. Think I'll do 9 as it sounds like fun! __________________ Watch BUTCHERS on RTÉ Storyland www.tuftybear.com for trailer and other info my short film TUFTY My FilmmakersNetwork.ie profile

31 October 2006, 10:53	#16
paddydean Actor/Writer/Clown Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 114	more and more Well done Aaron for getting the new sleeker ball rolling. I'm loving both episodes that are up there especially the sensitivity in four towards the end. The fact that Amy remembers the sandcastle automatically seems to make her much more significant to everyone involved, I had her pegged as a more recent addition to Carls Life (or whats left of it!) but I love the fact that she now goes that far back. I had a look up the forum at selections and I've been taking notes here and there and would like to post a five (like yourself derek) and 6 as suggested. Your four ending is uncannily like my five (in notes) beginning. Freaky!! Hope to have them both up by end of day or midday tomo.

31 October 2006, 11:13	#17
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	I ended up being tied up for most of the weekend and only got down to it last night. I did outlines for both my episodes but I am now ditching episode 4 if that's alright. It's identical to Aaron's (great minds and all that). I had them on a beach and they get caught in a downpour. And while they sneeze and snuffle in the back of the van they remember a time when Carl was caught in a storm as a kid. Don't think there is any point in me writing it now. Aaron has it nailed. I might double up on another episode instead. What do ye think? __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile

31 October 2006, 11:18	#18
John Murphy Writer / Director Dublin & Westmeath Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 516	So far we have: Episode 1 Jason Episode 2 Derek Episode 3 Brian ????? Episode 4 Aaron Episode 5 Derek, Paddy Episode 6 Paddy Episode 7 John Episode 8 Aaron Episode 9 Jason Episode 10 John We're still waiting on Brian and Bren to pick an episode and there is three left. I might have a lash at 7 as well if there are no objections. __________________ FilmmakersNetwork.ie Profile Last edited by John Murphy : 31 October 2006 at 16:14.

31 October 2006, 11:20	#19
paddydean Actor/Writer/Clown Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 114	one I think Jay mentioned he was on epsode one?

31 October 2006, 11:57	#20
Aaron Writer / Director Dublin City Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 678	Hey folks, Cheers for the feedback. Not sure if both scripts "hit their mark" or if they indeed "set the bar" Jay. I'm not overjoyed with either of them (could be tighter, dialogue feels weak at times) but I thought I'd lash them up for comments anyway. If people have suggestions for improvements or possible changes post away. Jonno - no reason why you shouldn't have a look at episode 4 if you reckon I've missed something? Maybe you had some slicker dialogue in mind that might fit better? I'm not convinced I "nailed" anything here. A.

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